Aye

What I see isn't real,
For my mind sees what I want to see. 

Watching the mind see what it wants to see,

Is  the path to freedom.

Freedom from pleasure and pain alike. 
Freedom from feeling good, from feeling bad. 


What is good? What is bad?What is it to feel? 

Who defines it? Who is the who to define?

Is it the I-ness of the I? 

And if so, who am I? 

In realising this, lies the freedom,

Freedom from the body, 
And the mind,

Shackled by the feeling of the I. 

Beyond the realm of I,

Beyond the illusions, 

Lies the unthinkable, the undefinable, the timeless,

That alone is real! That alone is real!  

My problems with Kannada

"Oh, C'mon Rajesh, I know you are kidding! " I am tired of listening to these words again and again each time someone realises that I don't know to read & write Kannada. What adds to their disbelief, is the fact that I speak a good, sometimes sanskritised, close-to-purist Kannada. As they slowly overcome the disbelief, they inquire - "How come? I thought Kannada is your mother tongue, isn't it so?........" 

If you too are amused as you are reading this, please don't be so.  I have a proper justification. But, lets not get into "why so?" because its anyway a thing of the past(I hope). I have spent the last few months learning Kannada &  I can now read and write(type to be precise) Kannada pretty decently. (Agreed that "decently" is too fuzzy an adjective, but lets put that thought aside for the moment).

It is not just a matter of eagerness but compulsion that has driven me to learn kannada. My job requires me to be able to read & write Kannada decently to survive.But, as I learn more & more of it, the more complex it gets. I have two big problems with kannada as a language-

1. Kannada is too fussy about pronunciations. In hindi, you only have के(ke) कॆ(kai). In kannada you have one more addition - ಕೆ(ke) ಕೇ(kE)  ಕೈ(kai). For example, there is only one way to write kendra in hindi which is केन्द्र् . However, kannada allows you to have -  ಕೆಂದ್ರ(kendra) as well as ಕೇಂದ್ರ(kEndra). What a mess!  In my honest opinion, most of kannada mistakes could be traced to it. 

2. Writing Kannada gives you a feel of sculpting. The number of twists, turns & curves are huge! To write a simple word, say "ಕನ್ನಡ"(Kannada), you need to lift the pen nearly eight times off the paper! In English, the same word could be written without lifting the pen even once ! :P
So, how does our national language hindi fare? To write कन्नड the count is a mere four. Besides, the number of  curved lines is a lot less!

Since I can do very little about it, I will try to embrace Kannada and patiently hope that it embraces me too!

Dear Karnataka Rakshana Vedike, Jai Karnataka, Mr Vatal Nagaraj & other Kannada ಅಭಿಮಾನಿಗಳೆ(fans), I sincerely hope & pray that you are not reading this post. Just in case you do-


ಸಿರಿಗನ್ನಡಂ ಗೆಲ್ಗೆ! 

The problem of relativity

Most of the problems that we face in life is because of comparison. We want to be something relative to others. I need to get a salary more than the perceived market average. I need to get more than what my peers get. I need to grow taller than others. It isn't enough to just make good profits, it should be more than what my nearest competitor gets. I need to get a girlfriend who is prettier than my friend's.

The media reinforces such thoughts, amplifying the insecurities. You have to be fairer- use fair and lovely. You have to be taller- drink complan.The insecurities are because of the comparison and the world runs on insecurity.

Does it mean that we not compete ? Not at all. Competition is fine. But being jealous is not.

Isn't it enough to be happy? Why the comparative & superlative degrees of happier & happiest ? Why this kolaveri ?

To sir with love

Another Gandhi Jayanthi, same set of people paying tributes at Raj Ghat, another dry day, the same mundane yearly rituals repeated itself. However, what made mine special were the memories of one of the few persons who has influenced my life so much - my Gandhian Principal. 

During my school days, a few other school principals used to derive pleasure from flaunting their status through those big cars of those days. I remember my friend from a "leading" school of the city narrating me how his principal arrives in a Maruthi Esteem to his school, and all about his chamber and the aristocratic dressing. 

In contrast, I had a principal who used to cycle his way to school everyday. His dressing was simple yet neat- a well pressed white shirt with a black or a white trouser. He was in fact more approachable than most of the teaching staff. He had a passion for mathematics, and also for removing the prevalent fear for the subject. His idea of mathematics went far beyond the confines of the syllabus. For ex, on a fine day we were given the problem of making the horse pawn cover all the 64 squares on the chess board exactly once. 

He constantly engaged with the students to inspire them to read the daily newspapers. On most days, he would spend time with us asking questions on that day's newspaper. This brought in me the habit of reading newspaper everyday. I also overheard a teacher saying that he spent some part of his salary on rewarding students.

One the first day of the public exams, just as I was about to leave,  I got a call on the landline(obviously). On the other side was the principal speaking, wishing me good luck.Couldn't believe that the principal sir had called me personally to wish me good luck! Such a reassuring call it was! It boosted my confidence levels manifold.  

The last time I met him was when I learnt from the local newspaper that the Gandhian principal had retired. I was in +1 (I PUC) then. I was in two minds of whether to meet him or not. I wanted to, but was very uncomfortable. What would I tell him? It seems so simple now, but back then I was an extreme introvert, not those leaders kind. I eventually went to meet him on the last day of his service. He was busy packing up. I cooked up some story that I had come earlier and that he was not available. Looking back I am not sure why all this was needed. But he understood me like ever before and bailed me out of this embarrassing situation. I din't say anything and stood still. But he could read the emotions on my face. He gestured for a handshake and said, "Rajesh, good luck, do well in life".

As they say -
"The mediocre teacher tells. 

The good teacher explains.  

The superior teacher demonstrates.  

The great teacher inspires."

Dear Veeraraghavan sir, thank you so much.You are more than an inspiration to me! 

The flutist in me

Just yesterday, Srikant, one of my buddies, had come home. He played some amazing flute. Mind blowing!

Actually, we used to learn flute together under the guidance of the same guruji a few years ago. The difference  being, he pursued it for a longer time than I did.

Flashback.. 2004

3 idiots join a flute class. Needless to say, I happen to be one of them.

I happened to listen to Pt. Hariprasad Chaurasia's performances. Deeply impressed, I decided to give it a try. After all, it is not so difficult, I thought. A veena has a number of strings, and we are required to tune it, use all the 10 fingers, and most of all looks bulky. A mrudangam uses leather membran and my conscience wouldn't allow me to use one. (FYI - I neither use a leather belt, nor a valet, nothing that contains leather)

After all, a flute having 6-7 holes and seemed very easy to play. Most of all, I loved the bass tone of a bansuri.  Also, having seen many hawkers play and sell it on the streets, I thought it to be a rather simple instrument.

I was in search for a guruji, and found one at Kuvempunagar in Mysore. To my surprise, two of my buddies decide to join me. The music institute founders appreciated our interest to learn classical music. They lauded our respect for Indian values, art, culture, etc.. And after a while, our first class commenced.

On the second class (there used to be only two classes a week), we were given our flutes. The music teacher started guiding us. Unlike laymen think, bringing out a flute-like voice(noise?) from a flute is not all that easy, more so if your flute is screwed up. We were taught to get some noise out of it. In total contrast to the melodious soothing flute played by my inspiration, it turned out to be rather irritating.

The disappointment took its first toll on the very first week. One of my friends decided to drop out. My only other flute-mate dropped out after 3 weeks. I remained undettered & committed. However, my practice was interrupted by complaints from my neighbours and my own family members. People complained that they were having headaches after listening to my music. All my close acquaintances expected a jukebox out of me. They thought I could play any tune just like our  kannada movie hero who mesmarises his heroine in a typical setting through his music. They did not realize that I was just 2 months into my learning and was just mastering the art of playing the very first pitch - "sa" out of my flute.

Quite expectedly, I too dropped out. My friends and neighbours were relieved. I guess, even my guruji was!

Who knows, in the process, India might have lost another Chaurasia in the making! :)

Many Idiots ?

This Sunday, I got to meet many people, with diverse interests, most of who had one thing in common. All had left their software jobs after graduating in engineering to persue what they had always dreamt of. One was interested in tourism, another guy wanted to do his masters in Sound engineering, the third was working on biomass gassifiers, and so on. 

Watching 3 idiots as well as meeting these folks came as a big relief to me, given that I am aspiring to take up a career which has nothing to do with my graduating degree. After all, bureaucracy & computer science don't have much in common.  And there are a number of "Mr.Kapoors" around asking all kinds of questions. One question that most of us have been asked by the local junta is "why did you waste your time studying engineering if at all you had to do what you are doing now?". Well, the answer to this is not hard to find.

Most of us have no idea what we are interested in while making our choices. Even if we have one, it is difficult to resist the pressure from parents, relatives, neighbors, and a host of other acquaintances. It is difficult for someone from  a middle class family to decide not to choose engineering(software engineering to be more precise), unless one does not deserve it. Very few people decide to take up careers like  journalism, literature, archeology, forestery, commerce etc.

However, one has to agree that, there is nothing as safe and as paying as software engineering in India in the present times. No wonder, engineering is such a sought after career. It is a different thing that we end up doing what at best can be termed third grade patch work.

There is a basic mismatch between the demand and supply in the HR market. There are a number graduates in journalism, and yet, there are a number of unfilled openings. Similar is the case with a number of other professions. Take the case of teachers. None other than the  prime minister has rung the warning bells. recently. The country is going to face a major crisis in the field of primary education as there are very few quality teachers. No one is opting to become a primary school teacher by choice. It is definitely one of the most critical professions whose importance is often overlooked. There are hundred other professions where the candidates are "unemployable".

So, what is the way out? One has to choose a job that one dreams of. Even if that means a little compromise on the financial terms. "We may have to settle for a smaller car, a smaller house, but definitely greater joy".  After all, when passion becomes your profession, it is heaven!

My Tryst with Godmen!

Firstly, some disclaimers, I am no enlightened spiritual soul! Nor do I want to belittle the spiritual organisations mentioned in the below article.

It was during my vacations after 2nd PUC during 2002. Like any other CET aspirant, I had the luxury of enjoying about 6 months waiting for the outcome, thanks to the messed-up entrance system.
I used to eagerly wait for SOM(Star of Mysore, a local newspaper) to drop home. Unlike others, I used to start browsing from the last page. My interest was not in the headlines rocking the city, but the events,talks,discourses happening locally.

I used to attend literally every free talk! The first one I cam across was one by Sri Sri Ravishankar's AOL. It was a free introductory talk and I was one of the few kids to attend it. The talk was impressive.I was expecting Guruji to deliver the talk. Weirdly, what attracted me to these talks were not the hope of spiritual enlightenment but the long, mushy beards!

And of course, the free snacks that might be on offer. I must confess that I was utterly disappointed as it was one of Guruji's clean-shaved shishyas delivering the talk. It was claimed that Guruji could recite Bhagavad Gita at the age of five! Alas, I was 4 times that age and could not remember the relatively simpler chemical equations for CET! When it was the question time, I wanted to know the "fees". All the while I assumed that it was a free course. And then I dared to debate with the volunteers on what seemed to be an exhorbitant guru dakshina.

My next stop a few days later was Sidhi Samadhi Yoga. The talk was somewhere in Kuvempunagar. I was happy to see the long bearded master, a Mysore-based scientist, waiting to deliver the discourse. I do not recollect the contents of the talk. But I clearly remember why I quit! At the end of the talk, the master started enlightening us about the effects of food on spirituality. Apparently, brinjal was the culprit of our short life spans. If we could quit consuming brinjals, we could live for some extra 5-10 years. Then came onion. The list grew longer. I thought I had enough of it. I started wondering if I would be finally advised to survive on grass and fodder!

By then, SOM had made a mention of Osho Rajneesh in one of its articles. I believe some public debate was going on & SOM was the forum for discussions. I was curious to check first hand what it was all about. My curiosity took me to Deveraj Urs Road where an Osho library was housed. I must appreciate the librarian's willingness to get drawn into a heated debate on Osho's thoughts with a humble mortal like me. To be candid, what drew me to Osho apart from his beard was the controversy itself.

It was now time to receive some gyan on rebirth. Dr Isacc conducted one interesting meditation session. Oh, I forgot to introduce him. He was a medico by profession and his name has nothing to do with physics. His dad had named the two siblings as Isacc & Newton! Wonder what he would have named his sister, "Curie" ? Be that as it may, he spoke about rebirths, karma etc. Finally, we were to practice the meditation for some time there. Enchanting Japanese music was being played from his laptop, which was not so common those days. It put to me blissful sleep. Finally, this snoring spiritual seeker was "awakened" by his neighbour. I was pretty embarrassed. But, what a deep sleep I had had!

Then came a couple of "Personality Development" sessions. One of them was to be conducted by a local "human trainer". The first thing that came to my mind was a tall, well-built, demon with a whip in his hand trying to train us. But, I decided to be open-minded for I had nothing to lose. The talk was impressive. It was devoid of any spirituality. It was more about memory, public speaking, etc. One of the "human trainees" could remember the names of more than 60 articles! It was soon question time and I wanted to test his skills with 10 chemistry equations. Expectedly, he was unwilling to testify his skill and tried to assure me that I could manage to succeed once trained in the art. But, amidst all this disappointment, the only cheer was the cookies on the desk!

My second "Personality Development" session was at Ramakrishna Ashrama. I must admit that the humble Swamiji defined personality in a refreshingly inspiring dimension. I might be short of space & time to paraphrase the entire discourse. But, I did enjoy it.

I could have gone on & on.. But, I soon joined a local Engineering college and it was the end of my "tryst with bearded Godmen & Goodmen"!

Jai ho!